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10 Things Not to Say to a Girl on the First Date

10 things not to say to a girl on a first date.

1. Gaww, you eat pretty fast! You got any pictures of your Mom?
2. The lights in this restaurant are more flattering to you than the streetlamps outside your bedroom window.
3. You know, I bet that blouse would look REALLY good on me!
4. Sure, I loved Slingblade. Doyle was awesome! He reminds me of Dad.
5. So I told him , ‘Listen! I'd rather die alone than settle for some sloppy reject from the woman factory!' You know?
6. My first wedding? Who knows? It was a blur, I was WASTED!
7. What do you think about prosthetic genitals?
8. Yeah, I dream in color. The blood is always red.
9. When Jeff showed me your picture, I was like, no way, but this is like the hundredth time I've been wrong about some ugly picture!
10. People with multiple STDs have feelings, too. I just think that everyone deserves a chance at love, right?

What Not to Say to Friend After She's Showed You Pictures of Her Baby.

1. He looks too much like your stupid husband.
2. Have you called a biologist? Is that even chordata?
3. How much vodka did you drink daily?
4. Why did you open the basket?
5. What was the stork's name?
6. No, she doesn't look like you. You're a lot prettier.
7. Well, he has your husband's chin, but my eyes.

The Title is Always Changing

The title is always changing. Marching for the horizon, looking at the sun that is goozing all over the electric monkeypeople.


Do you feel no shame? You walk around the world as if you can take off your flesh like a dirty suit. And you love her because the stains of murder have made her face beautiful. Cavort. Cavort. Your footsteps together are interlaced chains, forming a thick circle around a deep hole of grief from out of which you cannot climb.

Blood in the paint on her face. So gorgeous, she.

A dead demon put that shimmer in her hair.

How many identical versions of myself have fallen from the tree? And where did they fall? Some are surely rotten.

I am sucked into the right angles.

He cannot be in the army because of the spikes on his ankles. Also, he shot out the sun warming the planet on which he was born.

Our heads are connected by cables we cannot see. And there are clusters that want to crush joy and genius.

Music is God’s voice, and it doesn’t need to vocalize the humanmonkey words for God.