Dream: Beck Interview
Had a dream that I interviewed the musician Beck while in a car which was driven by two chaps who had no idea who he was. Their idea of good music was discs one buys at the dentist. Beck was Beck in the dream, but he resembled the British actor Martin Freeman. I talked to Beck about the polarization of his music, how many of his songs trawl through a beautiful despair while others are light and ridiculous. He was reluctant to talk about himself; he briefly told me how he got his start in Libya, then put a Peter Gabriel CD in that had a Rolling Stones label.
New Yark – Tuesday – Part One of a Real Trip Mixed with Astonishing Bullshit
Drove to Manhattan with my brother Zachary last week. Along the way, we passed buildings and fields and people with frozen heads.
In West Virginia, we were chased by a coal monster for 89 miles. Zach silently screamed.
From ubiquitous signs in Maryland, we learned that deer and bears are mortal enemies. The bear and deer feud has been going on for thousands of years. Both of us said a prayer that one day the deer and bears will love each other and have a vegetarian picnic.
I don’t like Eastern New Jersey very much. I’m sorry, New Jersey. Perhaps I’m wrong.
Driving in Manhattan sucks, even with GPS. I ran over sixteen people and they dissolved into the concrete of Sixth Avenue. You better not tell anybody!
Zach and I stayed at the Eastgate Tower Hotel on E. 39th Street. It was clean and utilitarian and CAVERNOUS. Every closet had a descending stairwell to an alternate world. We knew this because the songs of the vendors floated up the stairs in alien script, permanently staining the air. But screw those other worlds! We were there to see NY. I locked those doors.
One of the reasons we were in the city was to visit our cousin Paul, who attends graduate school at Fordham University in the Bronx. He is very smart and he walks very fast. We had dinner with him Tuesday night at the Pig and Whistle in Times Square.
Times Square has lots of artificial light. People stop too much in the middle of the sidewalk to take pictures of an imagined wonder. Vampires are afraid of Times Square because the light makes tourists think they own the universe. Everyone knows vampires own the universe.
We learned that The Pig and Whistle in Times Square is a façade. The menu is like a casserole of what everybody expects to see in an Irish pub, with several Italians being pushed into the baking dish by administrative assistants wearing invisible capes. Falling, the Italians cursed in Gaelic about such a preposterous composition. Pasta is a strange shadow in Dublin!
Believe it or not, the day became over! That night, cold and wet enveloped the city while I dreamed of New Amsterdam applying for a credit card in Rotterdam.
In West Virginia, we were chased by a coal monster for 89 miles. Zach silently screamed.
From ubiquitous signs in Maryland, we learned that deer and bears are mortal enemies. The bear and deer feud has been going on for thousands of years. Both of us said a prayer that one day the deer and bears will love each other and have a vegetarian picnic.
I don’t like Eastern New Jersey very much. I’m sorry, New Jersey. Perhaps I’m wrong.
Driving in Manhattan sucks, even with GPS. I ran over sixteen people and they dissolved into the concrete of Sixth Avenue. You better not tell anybody!
Zach and I stayed at the Eastgate Tower Hotel on E. 39th Street. It was clean and utilitarian and CAVERNOUS. Every closet had a descending stairwell to an alternate world. We knew this because the songs of the vendors floated up the stairs in alien script, permanently staining the air. But screw those other worlds! We were there to see NY. I locked those doors.
One of the reasons we were in the city was to visit our cousin Paul, who attends graduate school at Fordham University in the Bronx. He is very smart and he walks very fast. We had dinner with him Tuesday night at the Pig and Whistle in Times Square.
Times Square has lots of artificial light. People stop too much in the middle of the sidewalk to take pictures of an imagined wonder. Vampires are afraid of Times Square because the light makes tourists think they own the universe. Everyone knows vampires own the universe.
We learned that The Pig and Whistle in Times Square is a façade. The menu is like a casserole of what everybody expects to see in an Irish pub, with several Italians being pushed into the baking dish by administrative assistants wearing invisible capes. Falling, the Italians cursed in Gaelic about such a preposterous composition. Pasta is a strange shadow in Dublin!
Believe it or not, the day became over! That night, cold and wet enveloped the city while I dreamed of New Amsterdam applying for a credit card in Rotterdam.
Hey Soup!
It's dark. The nocturnal animals are probably eating or fornicating or defecating.
I am making soup. Red clam chowder. A bit made from pigs that grow up from somewhere. And shellfish.
I do not feel guilty, because incomprehensibly small alive bits will devour my flesh after I breathe for the last time.
A square meal is a fair meal.
I am making soup. Red clam chowder. A bit made from pigs that grow up from somewhere. And shellfish.
I do not feel guilty, because incomprehensibly small alive bits will devour my flesh after I breathe for the last time.
A square meal is a fair meal.
10 Things Not to Say to a Girl on the First Date
10 things not to say to a girl on a first date.
1. Gaww, you eat pretty fast! You got any pictures of your Mom?
2. The lights in this restaurant are more flattering to you than the streetlamps outside your bedroom window.
3. You know, I bet that blouse would look REALLY good on me!
4. Sure, I loved Slingblade. Doyle was awesome! He reminds me of Dad.
5. So I told him , ‘Listen! I'd rather die alone than settle for some sloppy reject from the woman factory!' You know?
6. My first wedding? Who knows? It was a blur, I was WASTED!
7. What do you think about prosthetic genitals?
8. Yeah, I dream in color. The blood is always red.
9. When Jeff showed me your picture, I was like, no way, but this is like the hundredth time I've been wrong about some ugly picture!
10. People with multiple STDs have feelings, too. I just think that everyone deserves a chance at love, right?
1. Gaww, you eat pretty fast! You got any pictures of your Mom?
2. The lights in this restaurant are more flattering to you than the streetlamps outside your bedroom window.
3. You know, I bet that blouse would look REALLY good on me!
4. Sure, I loved Slingblade. Doyle was awesome! He reminds me of Dad.
5. So I told him , ‘Listen! I'd rather die alone than settle for some sloppy reject from the woman factory!' You know?
6. My first wedding? Who knows? It was a blur, I was WASTED!
7. What do you think about prosthetic genitals?
8. Yeah, I dream in color. The blood is always red.
9. When Jeff showed me your picture, I was like, no way, but this is like the hundredth time I've been wrong about some ugly picture!
10. People with multiple STDs have feelings, too. I just think that everyone deserves a chance at love, right?
What Not to Say to Friend After She's Showed You Pictures of Her Baby.
1. He looks too much like your stupid husband.
2. Have you called a biologist? Is that even chordata?
3. How much vodka did you drink daily?
4. Why did you open the basket?
5. What was the stork's name?
6. No, she doesn't look like you. You're a lot prettier.
7. Well, he has your husband's chin, but my eyes.
2. Have you called a biologist? Is that even chordata?
3. How much vodka did you drink daily?
4. Why did you open the basket?
5. What was the stork's name?
6. No, she doesn't look like you. You're a lot prettier.
7. Well, he has your husband's chin, but my eyes.
The Title is Always Changing
The title is always changing. Marching for the horizon, looking at the sun that is goozing all over the electric monkeypeople.
Do you feel no shame? You walk around the world as if you can take off your flesh like a dirty suit. And you love her because the stains of murder have made her face beautiful. Cavort. Cavort. Your footsteps together are interlaced chains, forming a thick circle around a deep hole of grief from out of which you cannot climb.
Blood in the paint on her face. So gorgeous, she.
A dead demon put that shimmer in her hair.
How many identical versions of myself have fallen from the tree? And where did they fall? Some are surely rotten.
I am sucked into the right angles.
He cannot be in the army because of the spikes on his ankles. Also, he shot out the sun warming the planet on which he was born.
Our heads are connected by cables we cannot see. And there are clusters that want to crush joy and genius.
Music is God’s voice, and it doesn’t need to vocalize the humanmonkey words for God.
Do you feel no shame? You walk around the world as if you can take off your flesh like a dirty suit. And you love her because the stains of murder have made her face beautiful. Cavort. Cavort. Your footsteps together are interlaced chains, forming a thick circle around a deep hole of grief from out of which you cannot climb.
Blood in the paint on her face. So gorgeous, she.
A dead demon put that shimmer in her hair.
How many identical versions of myself have fallen from the tree? And where did they fall? Some are surely rotten.
I am sucked into the right angles.
He cannot be in the army because of the spikes on his ankles. Also, he shot out the sun warming the planet on which he was born.
Our heads are connected by cables we cannot see. And there are clusters that want to crush joy and genius.
Music is God’s voice, and it doesn’t need to vocalize the humanmonkey words for God.
Dream: Forgotten friends, megafauna and Mickey Mouse
Dream 1-24-2011
I found myself in a convenience store, dressed in fieldworkgarb, helping the Virginia District Manager install equipment. The manager and the food manager constantly bickered over the placement of the food warmer. Our guy and the employees wanted it to block the food manager from customers, because he was unbearably gross and hurt appetites.
He had a routine of going into the back and returning to the front, face and hands and arms coated and dripping with off-color bodily fluids and solids. Once up front, he would proceed to make sandwiches, while the female employees gagged and vomited.
I began to grow weary of all this, so I took off my belt and gave it to the manager, as I no longer needed it. I left the store, carrying along two Playstation controllers. When I emerged outside, I was surprised to find myself in Paris, KY, my hometown.
I passed a bench in front of the FIRST!!!! Baptist Church and two girls shouted , “There he is! There he is!”
Yes I is.
Instead of going around town to get home, I crossed through the Church parking lot and then through the grounds of Paris Elementary and High School. From afar, the campus looked barren, but hundreds of students suddenly appeared once I stepped on the sidewalk. My legs stiffened, turned to marble, so I had to drop the video game controllers and manually lift and drop my legs to progress along. All the while, shrieking elementary kids pushed and ridiculed me.
I turned a corner, escaping the horde and bumped into an old friend.
“You think you’re better than me,” he said. “You never visit me and my girlfriend.”
“I’m sorry. I just like being alone.”
“Whatever. Go that way,” he said, staring at the grass and pointing ahead to what looked like a corral.
I wanted to go home, but I had no idea how to get there. So I went in his pointed direction, walking through the corral under a low doorway into a darkened kitchen. The kitchen staff all had long beards like ZZ Top. I passed through into a brightly lit alley that ran between low buildings and emptied into a vast meadow. In the meadow, an immense roar startled me.
The brother of a fellow student from high school rode up on the back of a gigantic alligator. He stopped the monstrous animal a few feet from me; its curved teeth towered over my head. He looked at me and yelled, taking his hat off and waving it in the air.
I had no response.
The ground shook and his brother approached from the opposite direction on the fin of a tremendous shark. The shark was even more huge than the alligator and glided on the ground as if it was ice. He called out my name and I saw that he was regressing in age by the moment until he was as I remembered from pre-school. Then he took his hat off and turned into Mickey Mouse.
“Hello Todd! It’s Mickey Mouse!”
Dream Over
I found myself in a convenience store, dressed in fieldworkgarb, helping the Virginia District Manager install equipment. The manager and the food manager constantly bickered over the placement of the food warmer. Our guy and the employees wanted it to block the food manager from customers, because he was unbearably gross and hurt appetites.
He had a routine of going into the back and returning to the front, face and hands and arms coated and dripping with off-color bodily fluids and solids. Once up front, he would proceed to make sandwiches, while the female employees gagged and vomited.
I began to grow weary of all this, so I took off my belt and gave it to the manager, as I no longer needed it. I left the store, carrying along two Playstation controllers. When I emerged outside, I was surprised to find myself in Paris, KY, my hometown.
I passed a bench in front of the FIRST!!!! Baptist Church and two girls shouted , “There he is! There he is!”
Yes I is.
Instead of going around town to get home, I crossed through the Church parking lot and then through the grounds of Paris Elementary and High School. From afar, the campus looked barren, but hundreds of students suddenly appeared once I stepped on the sidewalk. My legs stiffened, turned to marble, so I had to drop the video game controllers and manually lift and drop my legs to progress along. All the while, shrieking elementary kids pushed and ridiculed me.
I turned a corner, escaping the horde and bumped into an old friend.
“You think you’re better than me,” he said. “You never visit me and my girlfriend.”
“I’m sorry. I just like being alone.”
“Whatever. Go that way,” he said, staring at the grass and pointing ahead to what looked like a corral.
I wanted to go home, but I had no idea how to get there. So I went in his pointed direction, walking through the corral under a low doorway into a darkened kitchen. The kitchen staff all had long beards like ZZ Top. I passed through into a brightly lit alley that ran between low buildings and emptied into a vast meadow. In the meadow, an immense roar startled me.
The brother of a fellow student from high school rode up on the back of a gigantic alligator. He stopped the monstrous animal a few feet from me; its curved teeth towered over my head. He looked at me and yelled, taking his hat off and waving it in the air.
I had no response.
The ground shook and his brother approached from the opposite direction on the fin of a tremendous shark. The shark was even more huge than the alligator and glided on the ground as if it was ice. He called out my name and I saw that he was regressing in age by the moment until he was as I remembered from pre-school. Then he took his hat off and turned into Mickey Mouse.
“Hello Todd! It’s Mickey Mouse!”
Dream Over
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