Popular Posts

Santa Claus

Santa Claus can bench press 950 pounds without a spotter.
Other things Santa Claus can do:

A. When inspired, he can take off his cap and his scalp becomes a tremendous spotlight able to penetrate the abyss of space. He uses this to show individual naughty children the planet where they will be exiled after too many sins, and even more specific, the mountain cave where they will wait to be eaten by unnamed beings.

B. He has a water organ made entirely of frozen peppermint candy and powered by fortified wine instead of water. When he plays his favorite tune, which is a secret, Easter eggs in America turn into miniature Eyes of Sauron.

C. He can knit deceptive sweaters that look warm and fuzzy, which they are, but they steal the warmth of everyone that person would have cared about in the future. Of course, that person doesn't know, and Santa wants to keep it that way.

As you can see, Santa Claus is amazing and terrible.

No comments: